In the dark night of the soul we hear our own voice crying to be heard.  For so long we have silenced that voice.  Our reasons may vary but essentially it comes down to a few basics for all women.  We think:

     a.    no one is really listening
     b.    what we have to say is not important
     c.    we are afraid of criticism, rejection or worse
     d.    we don't trust ourselves

     It becomes so easy to suppress that voice that often we don't even know we are doing. From a young age children are discouraged from speaking out inappropriately. What is inappropriate changes to meet the situation at hand until eventually it's hard to tell what is "right" and what is "wrong". While it's obvious that some discussions are not meant for public exposure, the sad part is that these conversations are seldom given a private space in which to be explored. The seeds of stifling are planted.

     Throughout our teenage years many women find rebellious ways to express what has been buried under layers of frustration. Mixed with raging hormones and the angst of teenage life, words are used in any way possible to try and find the "self" that was lost along the way.  For most young women the urgency subsides and we ease into our adult lives living out the patterns of keeping silent.  In her book "A Woman's Book of Courage", Sue Patten Theole says we should change the first two letters of depression to "ex" making a healthy, promising word - expression. If we could only express our feelings we might find ourselves happier and living a more grounded life.

     The idea of self expression isn't attractive to many women because of the stigmas that outspoken women have had to contend with. No one wants to be labelled any of the negative or abuse names that might make us sound like someone from a very scary movie. That's a judgement call by others and that's where the problem lies in the first place.

     For generations there have been gentle, wise women saying things from their hearts. Without the anger of feeling caged, women are very capable of tapping into their feelings and sharing them with others. It is only when we buy into any of the four reasons above that we behave in ways that disempower us. We are only shrill, hysterical, incoherent, overly talkative etc. when we are not feeling safe in the circumstances we have chosen to speak in. This can be a relationship, a business, a community or any other setting where we believe that somehow for some reason we "should" not be saying what's really on our minds.

     The challenge is for women to first of all learn to listen to themselves. Most of us are inundated with information from so many places we can barely catch our breath. If we don't learn to tune our ear to the most important source of guidance - our inner voice - then how will we ever become confident at speaking our truth. Slow down, even if only for a few minutes a day, and be still. Close your eyes and ears so that you are not distracted and wait. Sometimes we are instantly rewarded with a feeling of calm, sometimes it takes much longer to quieten our minds. In the space you create, you will sense the emotions rising and along with them are the words you keep to yourself. Let them be heard, if only by you, until you can feel the power of your own voice.

     Every woman has a voice, a message, a story and every woman's voice has a right to be heard. Honour your own voice and find ways to express your own personal message. Believe in yourself and you will empower your soul to live to it's very fullest.


Daryl Clarke lives at Healing Rock Retreat in Tobermory, Ontario.  She is a writer, workshop facilitator and provider of loving support and guidance to others.
Her web site - www.spiritedwoman.com